Who am I?

I'm a native Oklahoman who is exceedingly glad to be back upon the soil of my grandfathers; but, I miss the beauty of the pacific ocean; and, the green white capped mountains of California which were mine for the last twenty years.

I am the father of four children. Two are from my first marriage which was devastated by sin. My oldest won't speak to me; but his sister will. She has given me a grand-daughter; but neither are walking in The Way because there mother is a non practicing Catholic who wanted her kids to be Catholic. Pray for them.

• Austin Matthews (son)
• Sierra Matthews (daughter)
• Athena Matthews (grand-daughter)

Today I am married to a wonderful woman named Kathleen (Kathy) who is my opposite in some respects. She is quiet and I don't know when to shut up. She is soft, peaceful and patient. I am edgy from life, feel like chaos and am definitely not patient by nature. She has given me two children that are different in many respects from my older.

The difference between the two families; and, the children has been the introduction of Torah (the Written Torah) into the Family.

I am home after twenty years away living in California (which began as a four year enlistment into the Marine Corps. That place (for my family) turned quite literally into a nightmare after having once been a place that we flourished.

We arrived here in November of 2020 fleeing the socialist lockdowns moving back into the very home I was adopted into after having been assisted (by my sister Keri) in our flee from California.

WE ESCAPED!!!

Since arriving my wife and I have been attending Victory where my sister goes on Sunday mornings. My wife loves the worship music; she has always loved worship. In fact that is what drew me to her when I met her. She had CD's with worship music all over her car. So it was safe to assume that she was a "Christian." We both left traditional Christianity and found ourselves at a small Messianic congregation in West Covina California after I began really asking questions; digging; and, not being satisfied with the answers we were being given.

We were there in this small Messianic congregation for ten years before we left California. I miss the closeness and especially spending all day with others as we had a congregation that would ebb and flow from around 12:30 in the afternoon to sometimes late in the evening after sundown ending Shabbat. I miss most the Friday nights study group digging late until almost sunrise with good friends.

Since coming back to my native home we haven't plugged into the local Messianic congregation (literally a mile from us) as it has constantly been closed due to Covid-19; and, wasn't interested in doing church from home on a computer screen.

Hence we plugged into my sisters congregation that is very large congregation; and, has a pretty solid children's ministry.

The HEAD Pastor of Victory seems to be leaning towards Torah and has even suggested openly that Sunday is a regular work day. "My Sabbath was yesterday" he said one morning as he was delivering a sermon. Please pray for him. His name is John Chastain. He is ALSO the President of The Kings University located in Texas; which has a Messianic program; and, is launching the Center for Israel and Jewish Studies.

I've been to some of the men's functions but their hearts are not as open to Torah as I had hoped. I don't feel as welcome there. I feel more like an outsider. Don't get me wrong they are wonderfully warm and smile when they give me coffee on sunday morning (and) I don't feel guilty (cause it isn't Shabbat). Yet instead of agreement I am often met with a strange look when I assert Yeshua was teaching us to repent by KEEPING TORAH. I am dismissed. My children like the activities but they have noticed the differences between our old Messianic congregation; and, this new "New Testament" church.

I wanted them to learn to identify the differences and to be able to defend their faith better. This has proven to help my children adjust to the move home; but not me. I feel out of place. I love worship music too; but, I'm tired of not hearing Messiah's name honored.

I weary of not hearing the word in Hebrew spilling from the lips of one teaching. Even the songs they sing are different now that I have been introduced to a different way. We miss the songs of the Hebrew liturgy when they are sung. I do not feel refreshed after a Sunday Morning as I once did after spending all day with the congregation on Shabbat.

At one point we used to drive an hour and a half out into the desert to fellowship with some friends of ours and good study. My sphere of influence since moving home is almost zero; and, almost nobody I know from when I was a kid

What I would welcome is a study group in my home (or elsewhere) with other men who are wiser; diggers; and, can help me strengthen my walk praying for me; and, with me. Preferably with others who believe we should be keeping the feasts.

I currently work with a friend from high school who is not a believer in The Way. He doesn't trouble me about Shabbat but neither will he study with me. I feel out of synch with the very community I should be IN SYNCH with.

So I look forward to meeting others in this community. This is my first step. Hopefully the next one will be a meal with you all on Shabbat.